in the wind weekly #8
Hey friends.
It’s a sleepy Saturday afternoon after a hell of a show that my friends over at Wolfe House Records put on last night. It was an all-time highlight to have the chance to capture the show on my camera. If you follow me on Instagram, I’m sure you’ll see a good few of those moments. And, as I wait for my computer to upload the photos, I suddenly remember that today is the day to put out a new letter. The tone that I write in today, I expect, will reflect the gratitude and joy I’m feeling from that experience, and the stoke to do more of it. So, I sure hope you gain something from this, even if it’s just an excuse to think about something other than what you might be caught up in. Or an opportunity to reflect on the ways we choose to spend our time. May it be wisely.
As I turned the last page on “Shoe Dog,” the memoir on Nike by Phil Knight, I found myself skimming and turning pages as fast as I could to get to the end. I was sitting outside the coffee shop I am in now, just days ago, while the sun was blue. We were basking in the sun teasing summer.
I had finished a chapter and quickly Phil started to fast forward through years into the almost incomprehensible success and wealth that Nike cultivated.
As the rain lightens up now, and the clouds begin to appear just a little less menacing, I find it amusing that I had little to no interest in hearing about the success. Only the path through the challenges of growing.
I think this is because I can relate more to the trials and tribulations. Or something like this.
If you haven’t been too close to my story over the past two years, then it might be a surprise to know that my employment history (and subsequent taxes) were quite complicated for the very tumultuous path that I walked down in such a short time frame.
I’ve been running through the world with the mantra on my lock screen, white text on black, “When you fail, rebound quickly.” I think that this past year especially has taught me so much about what it means to fail. And what it means to dust myself off and try a new route to see if it goes.
And I still can see how much I could grow in this area. In a weird way, to fall into respect with true failure, knowing that failure is, more importantly, a sign of trying.
Frank Herbert, I feel, was very aware of what he was saying when he wrote that “fear is the mind-killer.” And fear of failure is something that will cause complete paralysis.
I am brought back to the first time I was ever required to speak in public. It was sixth grade. A poem. Recite it in front of the class. The ball in my throat had become commonplace for me, at any moment that I needed to speak in front of anyone, even when ordering food at restaurants. Anxiety that felt paralyzing, though I was not given the words for it at the time.
I remember standing up, walking to the front of the class, my heart beating faster than a dragonfly’s wings, and opening my mouth to speak to find that nothing came out. Instead, tears started rolling down my cheeks and I could hardly breathe.
It took years of practice to be able to give a speech in front of a crowd. Junior year, high school, 300+ people. I almost slipped on my way up. No tears that time. Just shaking hands I steadied on the wooded podium, the heart just as fast, having taught myself to speak through the tension in my throat I managed to get the words out.
Trials, tribulations, hundreds (if not thousands) of uncomfortable encounters, where I’d force myself to learn to speak.
And then I was standing around, having the silliest of times with the most wonderful humans after the concert last night, having spent the night running around with my camera in my hands, mind constantly surveying where to move to next to get the best shot I could. Throwing it in front of people, asking, “mind if I?” Jumping up on stage, and walking across to get a shot that I couldn’t help myself from taking.
And I kept being told the same thing: “You looked so confident.”
And then I realized, no knot in the throat, no shaking hands, no heartbeat that might shake the whole world. I was only holding the strangely familiar energy from my days in team sports. The one where the buzzing excitement of doing something I loved outweighed that strange little dragon of fear.
What am I trying to say here?
Maybe that it was a few months ago that I set out to figure out how to take decent photos and that I think I’m starting to get the hang of it. A bit of the “you’re gonna suck until you don’t,” and that maybe I’m actually feeling… confident?
And that larger lesson that it is only with Consistent Effort that we can create lasting change or improvement.
Or maybe in a more philosophical way, it feels important to zoom out and acknowledge just how far we’ve come, even though the road ahead of us seems unimaginably windy.
I think this is in the question, “Would my ~5/10/15/20~ year old self be proud of where I am now?”
To consider that life is deeply challenging and the work we put in isn’t measured in days or months, but in years. Many of them.
I think mostly I tell this story because I want to celebrate success in all of the chaos that the past few years have been. That it’s pretty damn radical that I’ve managed to find something that I deeply care to do, and to have the courage to face the mind-killing fear and push forward every day.
It’s been a recent conversation among my friends, the debate between stable career jobs and pursuing passion. I don’t think there’s a capital “T” truth to answer this debate, but I sure as hell know my answer.
I guess that’s to leave you with a few questions:
Have you considered just how far you’ve actually come?
Do you think your younger self would be proud of where you are? If not, are you interested/motivated to make some change for the answer to shift?
Are you doing what you need to be doing to be happy? Cause, though time isn’t linear, it sure seems to go by regardless (I guess that’s how time works…).
And are you doing the things you want to be doing every day? (See last week’s le trajectory diagram).
This isn’t to say it has to be all or nothing, I’d argue. There’s plenty of room, as Phil Knight exemplifies in his writing, to have a career job and build something incredible while you need supplemental income. I’m no exception, having my own part-time job and a healthy dose of financial instability.
And what an honor and a gift to be surrounded by a community that is asking the same questions, and pursuing their passions, molding their lifestyles to create the space for such endeavors.
Anywho, I’ll leave you on this strange note of hope and uncertainty. Which is to say that I often still feel that I have no idea what I’m doing, but I might dare to say that I’m starting to feel my own love and joy and passion for this silly thing I’m trying to do.
Eh, a little less business-oriented than I’d hope for this week. Might be the lack of sleep. And, at the same time, isn’t this philosophical debate on passion the core of all entrepreneurial endeavors? Or at least, I find this true for the ones that I respect and look to for guidance.
Who’s to say really?
Deep breaths my friends. And remember, every moment is a good moment to be present. I hope that you can share this one moment of presence with me now, whenever it is you read these words and know that in this moment, just this fraction of time, everything can be ok as it is.
w/ metta,
Sage
Music Recommendations:
**Shoutout to my incredible friends for their recent drops**
“Duvets (vol 1),” by Wolfe House Records - Album
Wolfe House · Album · 2024 · 7 songs.
https://open.spotify.com/album/6KcpuWIeOG1hWrXCrxLfu5?si=knYkytYQSxqzqA1SgIsGUw
“s(CNDH)eXX,” by SUNHiVE - EP
https://open.spotify.com/album/3W8GdWgrlL5Jys5fxyjhOa?si=yy6jSLvESuax6TUV3QimnA
And some others…
